Judging by the debate surrounding any case involving the loss of virginity-be it the auction sale of the “right of the first night” or the decree requiring doctors to report virgin schoolgirls to the police-the topic remains, to put it mildly, a difficult one. There are few excuses for an inexperienced gynecologist who inexperiencedly damaged her hymen, but commentators are divided over the victim: Some scoff at the fact that the woman clings to “technical virginity” and shows her “backwardness” by being attached to such an archaic concept, others defend her right to control her body and abstain from sex.
Meanwhile, the importance of virginity (or whatever comes with it) remains enormous. So much so, that Google alone searches almost 5,000 times a month for something about hymenoplasty – a surgical procedure to restore the hymen, which they recommend doing “before the wedding or as a gift to the man you love” (for the query “restore virginity” search engine gives 17 million results), and on the Internet you can order an artificial hymen with fake blood, which will help fake “first time” for only $30. It’s time to untangle the tangle of fears, absurd expectations, and patriarchal attitudes wrapped around a simple fact of physiology.
All virgins are preoccupied in one way or another with the problem of losing their chastity. The main fear is whether or not it will hurt! But since it is impossible to get a 100% guarantee, the most faint-hearted decide to have an operation.
Surgical surgery to remove virginity (called defloration) is becoming more and more popular nowadays. And although there is a reasonable question: “And how did our ancestors deal with it?”, some girls still prefer to solve this problem without pain and to give themselves in the hands of surgeons, than to trust in the mercy of nature.
Whether they are right or wrong is not for me to judge. Yet, once again, I think it is worth defending the natural way of deflowering.
To begin with, we must distinguish between “hymen” and “virginity. Virginity is a state of mind, a woman’s special status, a sense of being untouched, which are ephemeral categories of a psychological nature. Whereas a hymen is a very concrete material thing.
A bit of physiology
What do we know from anatomy about the hymen? It is an elastic fold of vaginal mucosa, which is composed of muscle fibers, provided with blood vessels and permeated with nerve endings.
What does it mean? The hymen is inherently stretchable and capable of tearing. Not only that, it from birth is fragile, in its structure originally there are gaps (for the possibility of menstruation), and, therefore, it will be easily torn – as in the proverb “Where it’s thin, there and then tears. Naturally, there may be some blood and there may be pain due to the sensitivity of the mucosa. But, on the other hand! Both the amount of blood and the pain are usually proportional to the degree of damage, and it is insignificant. Hence, cases of bleeding are more likely to be related to non-bleeding and are not related to the fact of the rupture itself, and all the talk about pain is greatly exaggerated.
Of course, there are unique cases, such as increased density of the hymen or excessive elasticity. But is it worth it, to think about the bad! And most importantly, why should it happen to you? Then it’s time to worry about other possible malfunctions in your body, which theoretically can be. Well, you never know what kind of deviations from the norm … Live by the principle: “I’ll be fine!
Something about prejudice
Everything that concerns the loss of virginity in the broad sense – psychology. This psychological aspect determines to a greater extent than physiology – will it hurt when you break the hymen or not. The atmosphere around this is created by various prejudices. There are a lot of them, people are inventive in this sense. Some of them become a thing of the past, and new, modern ones come to replace them.
To begin with, we are born with the idea of the pain of defloration. If we didn’t know better, it would be better, honestly. A subconscious readiness for pain is practically pain itself. Most of the women I’ve talked to about this have been indignant: “Well, the pain wasn’t worth a day’s worth of fear.
Another claim that fuels fear is the idea that a virgin girl supposedly secretes less “lubrication” during intercourse, which causes additional painful sensations. But it is just as obvious that a virginal boy does not get an erection because of the “firstness” of the intercourse. Or maybe, on the contrary, the “firstness” is more exciting? This means that there is enough lubrication and an erection that is just right. Is it known for sure? Who states it?! Statistics, let’s be honest, no.
I’m not even talking about all the horror stories that keep creeping into the girlish experience, about what the first intercourse actually should be and with whom it should be. They say that it is desirable to have it with an experienced man, in addition to the process should not be passionate and fast, but necessarily – slow, careful, gradual. So we see it as a kind of therapeutic procedure under the motto: “And now, dear, let’s do … (no, not love!) deflorescence! Of course, the word itself lends a certain romanticism to the process, but that’s all. How romantic such a process would be, I can imagine. And also imagine how irrelevant all this reasoning is to the passionate, crazy, reckless first night of love of inexperienced Romeo and Juliet!
As paradoxical as it may sound, in order to lose your virginity without pain, you must stop feeling like a virgin and stop thinking about pain. You have to love your partner so much that the desire to possess your beloved and to give yourself to your beloved overshadows everything else – fear and prejudice. So that you don’t have to think about it. So your emotions would overwhelm you, and your brain would switch off altogether.
Instinct will guide you precisely along the path on which you will do everything so that the pain will have nothing to arise on. When instinct rules you, you will only be aroused, and the problem of losing your virginity will be forgotten. The hormones produced during true sexual arousal also have a pain-relieving property.
By following your body’s desires, you will involuntarily fulfill all the advice that is given on this subject:
- You want romance, and you will create it. With or without candles, with or without music. It will be an internal feeling of romance, not an external entourage.
- You will be gentle and affectionate, and all you have to do is excrete in sufficient quantity in your body, and all you have to do is relax.
- Your love foreplay will be long enough for your sexual exhaustion to reach the right limit. You will stretch out the pleasure because you will want to.
- You are not ashamed of anything, experimentally find just the right position for your compatibility and a beneficial effect on painlessness.
- And by the moment of coitus you will disconnect from reality and either feel no pain at all or feel it as a sweet pain.
And then there’s the important thing to say about orgasm at the first intercourse. The claim that you can’t have it the first time is a lie! Most people do. It all depends on the mindset. There’s a great joke about this for a reason. A girl comes home for the first time in the morning, tired and sleep-deprived. Her worried parents jumped on her from the doorstep, “Where have you been all night? What have you been doing?!” And the daughter uttered with undisguised delight: “I don’t know what it was, but now I’m going to do it all my life!”
So make love! With all your passion and in total recklessness! And losing your virginity will be seamless and painless.
By the way, defloration in Latin means the plucking of a flower. De floris. Isn’t that poetic?! There is sublimity, mystery, and love in it. So isn’t it better, continuing poetics in the prose of life, if your virgin flower is plucked not by a foreign surgeon with a metal scalpel, but by your beloved man with the love organ designed by nature for this purpose.